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Strange Flu like Disease Grips World. CDC Baffled.
October 24th 2014

Famous important doctor person from CDC

Famous important doctor person from CDC

The CDC are reporting a massive spike in the reports of flu and cold related sickness today, an increase of 30,000% over the national average. This flu is said to dis-proportionally affect those with sedentary lifestyles spent in front of computers.

Dr. Pravin Lal of the CDC commented. “It just came on suddenly. I don’t get it. We had a lot of vacation requests as well this week, so we are really understaffed right now. I think a lot of people showed up today are also working sick, they all seem really tired, lethargic and their minds aren’t on their jobs at all.

I saw a bunch of people in the lunch break – it was well past the time they should have been back at work. They all looked really tired but were debating politics. That’s pretty rare around here, but they kept going on about trade routes and how the Slavic Federation was completely broken. I hadn’t heard about that on the news though.”

Officials are baffled by the pathology of the disease, whcih seems to ignore everything known about virology and outbreaks, appearing seemingly over night and infecting a huge swath of the population in heavily modernized countries.

Symptoms include
Mumbling “Just… one… more… turn.”
Refers to anyone they don’t like as “Drones”
Carpal Tunnel Syndrome
Refusal to move from sitting position
Loss of appetite, loss of libido, failure to take sufficient fluids
Inability to speak, introversion in otherwise social individuals
Inability to concentrate

If you know or suspect you or a loved one has this disease, the CDC recomends remaining at home so as not to spread the infection, but to remember to get sufficient sleep, food and liquids. Loved ones and bosses are reminded to ensure that this disease is flu like and non-life threatening, and should become managable after a week at most, with occasional relapses that last for a day at most.

In other news. I’m probably not going to be posting much in late October.

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